There was something very wrong with me. My hair was falling out in handfuls. My ovaries were sending me mixed signals:
"Hey, we're officially done and booked a spot with Elon Musk. Get ready for menopause."
And
"Hello, we came back two weeks ago. What did you cook for us?"
I went to a gynecologist. She didn't see anything.
"Maybe it's a tumor. Come next month," she said, surprisingly calm for someone who doesn't like not knowing. My friend had just had polyps removed and he hadn't removed them at all. Instead, they found highly abnormal cells.
I didn't want to be abnormal at 42. I had a lot of writing to give and a lot of homework for the preschoolers. But I told myself that I would be fine.
During the next examination, the doctor said that I was fine...
But something was dripping from me like stalactites in an ancient cave. Have you gone too far with McDonald's and binge eating? Have you had a gynecological disease requiring surgery?
And so Mrs. Lowry is back.
I didn't think my problem was unsolvable. But I couldn't live forever with this uncertainty and massive lack of knowledge about the female reproductive system. We like to know, you know.
I didn't want to google and fall into the misinformation trap. But I didn't want to panic either. And so I waited like a stoic for more than two weeks until I called my gynecologist and told him now:
If she's confused, how will I feel? Where was my comfort Uncertainty is an unbearable undertaking. And so she waited a few more days because she told me to "look at things." But I didn't know what to do with the data I tracked.
Was it too much? Did I stumble? Was she going to stop?
After four days, I didn't want to wait any longer, so I went to see her:
"Tomorrow is my birthday and I can't stop thinking about my problem. Please just give me information because this has never happened before. I don't want to google and I can't locate my head or tail."
Did she miss something on the ultrasound? This gentle and careful woman checked me out again.
"The body adapts to the drugs," she said.
Phew.
"Come here, give me a COVID hug!" I kissed her like a five-year-old kid.
When we don't know what's going on, many of us tend to panic. Your brain is looking for all the solutions because it cannot live with uncertainty and sometimes wants to prepare for the worst. But this worst is usually very different from what you thought.
This is what I did during my 45-day wait to reduce my excessive anxiety and you will too.
Slow down and stop to reduce the pressure by half
While I waited and "watched", the uncertainty was still unbearable. I had something and the days passed. My friend's story kept repeating itself in my head.
As the tension mounted, I decided to slow down and cut out the extra noise that was making me more irritable. Not wanting to put in any mental effort, I stayed away from social media, writing, and podcasting. I spent more time with the kids or lay down and fell asleep in the middle of the day.
I didn't stress about the clutter in the living room and the unwashed dishes. I did what I could, then went back to relax. The negative thoughts kept coming back but didn't faze me. I found a way to save my mental energy for the uncertainty that was to last.
She accepted my negative thoughts and continued to appear without disbelief.
Think of your thoughts as "chattering teeth." Confront them with more realistic explanations
I have this useful habit when the going gets tough: I turn off excessive fear as if it had nothing to do with my situation. I don't know because otherwise, it would be too scary to follow the path of rumination.
This time I knew better: not everything that comes to mind is likely to happen. Your brain likes to know, so it will even create dramatic resolution instead of living in uncertainty. Dr. Amy Johnson, Ph.D. He calls these automatic thoughts “chattering teeth.” They always talk beside your head but they are not the truth.
Every time I have a negative thought, I think:
- "It's just an idea. Teeth chattering."
- "If it's a disease, it's curable."
- "It could be due to menopause or the effect of birth control pills. I already had belly fat, it takes time to self-regulate."
- "It's not very serious, it never stops."
- "Nothing hurts me and I don't feel bad."
After each scary thought, I had a more reasonable idea to lessen the effect of chattering teeth. Although the negativity has not disappeared completely, it will diminish. But I still wanted to finish everything.
Ask an expert instead of worrying
Nothing solves a problem like consulting a specialist. The moment you get the facts from a reliable source, you stop ruminating. So the main takeaway would be: when in doubt, ask first, panic later.
When my fears started piling up, I went to see my doctor instead of thinking "what if". I knew if I watched her any longer I would blow things up. All news was good news. And I was fine with her seeing me stupid and terrified because I was coming back. I just wanted to know.
Deep down I thought things were manageable. And if she couldn't do much about my problem, I would ask her to send me to see a doctor who works in a clinic.
Turns out I'm fine and haven't been stupid at all. With a bit of self-help, I finally figured out what was wrong with me.
And in the end, I wasn't judging myself for worrying rather than being nice as an option.
Don't beat yourself up with your constant negative thoughts
Your mind is designed to seek out bad news. It kept you safe in prehistoric times by constantly searching for a predator, hostile tribe, or snake. This mechanism is still alive after thousands of years although life is much safer now. It helps if a guy is following you down the street or when you see a bunch of guys around your house in the middle of the night.
Negativity is not just inherent in the workings of your mind. As per usual. You have learned to always expect the worst because you believe it will help you better prepare for what lies ahead. I have been doing this for many years and it takes a lot to weaken this pattern and build a more positive one.
The next time you feel like you're sinking into depression, don't be discouraged. Changing your automatic negative thoughts takes time. You are not helping the process if you find fault with your actions.
No matter what, remember that you don't have to put on a stoic, brave face. Anxiety and fear are also part of life. But if you try to see your negative thoughts as something outside of yourself and not as the ultimate truth, you will pass them more quickly. Do what you can and move on. Once it's all over, you'll find that you've handled your emotional roller coaster better than expected.
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