Well, there is some debate over exactly where these words come from, but the message is clear. Getting to know yourself - or developing self-awareness - is a great idea. It is the basis of your psychological development.
But if you want to rise to the top of the class — and get the most out of yourself, your relationships, and your life — there's another skill you can strive to master.
That's it: self-control.
Self-control is the best tool in your mental skill set. This will open doors for you to realize your potential. Or, let's say it's another, more brutal means, the absence of which will almost certainly derail your life.
Any type tells us what we should do.
The supreme art of self-control
With my clients, I do not broach the subject of self-control. This is because word control can have a powerful explanation. In 2022, it has a harsh and somewhat negative vibe, as in "controlling" in a relationship.
In psychology, self-control theory is rooted in the control of strong impulses associated with deviant behaviors. But it slowly moved into a broader concept with the terms self-discipline or self-regulation now commonly used and the benefits widely promoted.
In the end, the name doesn't matter as much as the meaning. namely, the ability to act in the world in wholesome and beneficial ways; At least in a way that doesn't hurt anyone - including yourself.
When restraint is mentioned, we tend to think of refraining from punching, verbal lashes, or throwing jabs on social media. But it's more than that, it's (1) the ability to assess the appropriateness of your actions before you take them and (2) constantly showing up for your mental and physical health.
You see, being able to control yourself 100% of the time is unrealistic. Everyone falls off their personal bandwagon from time to time. But how well you can manage yourself will reflect on the quality of your life and your relationships.
Why don't you want a piece?
Before you jump into the checklist, think about your own concept of self-control or self-regulation. It's not about closing. It's not about becoming the cold, quiet guy in the corner, frozen in place because you don't trust yourself to act.
The easiest way to think about it is to break it down into the three most important things in psychology: managing your thoughts, your feelings, and your behavior. To guide you, here are the qualities possessed by people with great self-control.
* You can wait.
Needing - and seeking - instant gratification is not a problem for you. This means stupidity is not.
You see more than what is right in front of you; You can see the big picture (and your long-term goals) and move past any motivations that would hold you back. Especially when it comes to money, sex, and anything related to your health.
People believe that it takes self-control to follow a healthy diet or diet. It makes it look very difficult - it's no wonder people fail. But it becomes easy if you are consistently able to make choices that support who you want to be. Waiting is a good skill. Waiting for the right reasons is an art form.
* You treat yourself well.
Because you can wait (see #1). Because you know you deserve it and you are able to remind yourself of it constantly, even when the temptation from across the street overwhelms you. Because you can slow down enough to choose the right, healthy and smart path for you.
This has disastrous consequences on your life.
* You make wise life decisions.
You are not at the mercy of your random thoughts or painful feelings. You know that thoughts come and go and that your passions, although valid, are not - as Vincent Van Gogh said - the "drivers" of our lives. You should feel them, not obey them. It should be used with the mind and not isolated from it.
That doesn't mean you're a boring, sparse person who never does anything spontaneously or thinks outside the box. It just means you get insight into what matters to you. And you don't compromise it or risk it.
You nurture relationships instead of breaking and burning them.
People who lack self-control often act impulsively in their relationships. You know those people who say hurtful things and then follow up with "Oh, it's just me, I put my heart on my sleeve" or "You know what I am, I just say what I think".
In fact, it's just not being able to think about how your words or actions will reach someone else. Hearts are not worn on the outer sleeves of shirts. They are supposed to stay indoors. The mouth must sometimes remain closed. People who control themselves can do both.
* You will achieve great things in your life.
Bold, ambitious goals require commitment and keep you in the game, even on the toughest days. If you have self-control, you will succeed. Because you will be able to discipline yourself and stick to habits that support your plans and dreams. And because you won't be derailed over minor obstacles. Or you get distracted by every bright, shiny object that comes your way.
* You relieve yourself of the worry of having to clean up the mess.
The worst thing about lack of self-control is that it gets you in trouble over and over again. You often find yourself having to apologize or atone for your mistakes, which can cause a lot of anxiety. or guilt. or shame. All of this is often not necessary. Think about it a bit.
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