Maybe you have a sign of losing control or compulsion you can't help but submit to. You think, say, and act in a way that shames, embarrasses, or embarrasses you. And you wish things were different. Things just weren't that way. You can understand where it all comes from to have some sense of control.
The reason these states tend to "come out of nowhere" and often feel out of our control is that they are rooted in the subconscious. These symptoms are ways our body processes stress and emotions. And even if we're in a neutral setting with people who make us feel comfortable and safe, all it takes is one thought, one memory, one emotion, one obsession, or whatever. type of trigger to trigger everything.
However, that doesn't mean that our mental health issues are completely out of our control. By taking steps to slowly bring more awareness into our minds and bodies, we begin to empower ourselves to better understand our subconscious and notice the source of these symptoms.
About the body, self-awareness can center around breat
hing, heart rate, feelings of physical pain or discomfort, areas of tension or distress, or any organ we know to be is weakened by an illness. Concerning the mind, self-awareness can be transmitted to our thoughts (eg memories, judgments, criticisms, etc.), emotions, perceptions, interpretations of our surroundings, and automatic reactions/responses to external events.
It is important to note these internal manifestations and note them when they occur in conjunction with our environment. Do you notice that your hands are clammy and sweaty when you go out with friends? Maybe you notice a shortness of breath every time you have to confront your colleague?
This is your body's way of signaling to you that something is triggering a subconscious scenario. Something about the current state reminds you of a time in the past when your nervous system was under a lot of stress. Because our stress response, when triggered by something related to the past, aims to protect us from ever feeling the same stresses again.
Often the hardest part is going back and decoding what caused this subconscious internal script to be programmed in the first place. What, since your childhood or early years, has made you feel threatened and dangerous, lonely and insecure, fearful and anxious, or sad and helpless, comes to mind right now?
A return to these fundamental roots often comes with its own set of troubles, which is why we may withhold or avoid thoughts and memories of these conditions. But only then can we deconstruct the unconscious and disruptive scenarios that bring us pain, discomfort, and suffering. Without opening the gates of hell, we will always suffer.
It's the same process I used for myself to come back and understand why my dad's cancer diagnosis caused severe panic attacks that sometimes happened up to three or four times a week for about a whole year. Of course, I could believe it was because I was under a lot of stress and called it the day. But by understanding the power of self-awareness and being patient to dissect my past, I will then understand why I am experiencing this stress reaction and may have the tools to reduce the intensity or avoid feeling the same reaction. in the future.
I was six months away from graduating from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). I had two jobs and took the maximum number of courses allowed by the university. Although I graduated a year before graduation, I intended to go to college right after graduation. So, I was also already researching graduate schools and studying for the GRE.
In early March 2019, I presented my research project on psychological resilience in college students attending UCLA at a national conference. I had a full session with people sitting on the floor or standing in front of the entrance for my presentation. I was one of the 1% of undergraduate presenters at the conference. I was convinced that even though I was playing a delicate balance between school, work, research, and graduate applications, everything would go as I had planned the year before.
Exactly a week after the conference, my father started having problems with the ability to move the left side of his body. My mom thought he was expecting stroke symptoms and begged him to let my brother take him to the hospital. He refused to go until he couldn't move his left arm at all and was barely able to walk.
At the hospital, they found several carcinomas in his bilateral brain and lungs, including a large tumor, which happens to be the main source, in his right kidney. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was hospitalized for a week until he could regain his ability to stand on his own. The same week my dad was discharged from the hospital, my mom had rotator cuff surgery on her shoulder scheduled six months earlier.
During the first few weeks after my parents' diagnosis, I often woke up crying and in a panic. As the days went by, I noticed that going to class or to work gave me severe migraines. I slowly stopped going to yoga classes because trying to do a short yoga session caused me a lot of chest pain and muscle spasms.
My boyfriend started coming more often from central California to be a source of support for me. And every time he came, I had moments where I was silent for long periods, and then I started crying every time he asked me what I needed or what was wrong. It wasn't until the summer of 2019, about three months after my dad was diagnosed with cancer, that my frequent panic attacks started happening.
Every time I came home for the weekend, my dad spent the whole day in bed. He rarely ate, walked, or did anything other than sleep and rest. The only times he woke up was vomiting in the bathroom due to severe nausea from his chemotherapy. It took me a long time to realize that these cases reminded me of my first memories of my paternal grandfather completely bedridden and suffering from Alzheimer's disease.
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