I returned a book recently. I try not to overdo it. It's all about finishing what you start. But I couldn't move on.
Before giving up, I first did what I often do right before turning in a book. I went to Amazon and checked the reviews. Because I usually assume I'm wrong. I guess I have bad taste or don't understand. So I go to Amazon and see what people have to say. More often than not, I'll give the book a second chance with new context.
But not in this case.
A reviewer noticed something that touched me. I knew then that my journey with the book was over. To paraphrase, the reviewer complained that the main character didn't take responsibility for his actions. They were quite poor. It was their choices that led to their downfall and nothing else.
have agreed.
What if you could do it all again?
The book itself is about a recently deceased person. Between life and death, the character has the choice to live another version of his existence. A life without regrets. A life of endless possibilities. Where they can return to Earth and explore every unturned stone. A place where they can get all the guesswork answered.
Funny introduction, sure, but I didn't like it.
Because the whole book is about a character full of regrets. Regrets and heavy losses are inflicted upon you. The false beyond in which they find themselves, the magical world of all possibilities, gives them a chance to live again. And maybe, just maybe, they won't have much remorse this time around. But here's the thing: regret is necessary. This is a good thing.
It's not something to hide. It's something to embrace. Because every regret you feel is a lesson. It's a chance to find out what you did wrong so you can do things differently in the future.
When you're afraid of regret
A friend once told me that she was afraid of regret. She wanted to live her life to the fullest so she wouldn't look back and wonder.
It's very common for people to say. She is naive.
Living a life without regrets is about making the right decision 100% of the time. It's about making the right decision at all times. It is to live a life free from errors, errors or shortcomings. In other words, it's not possible. So the fear of regret is the fear of reality. This equates to the fear of air in your lungs. It's illogical.
The real thing to worry about is repeating the same mistake twice. The real thing to fear is not learning from your regrets. This is what should make you toss and turn at night. Not that you let the person off the hook, but if you give them a second chance, you let them breed. Not that you stumbled in an interview, but that you stumble again and again.
regret is a good thing
To regret something is to admit that you made a mistake. From this regret, you have two options: learn from it or ruminate. Most people subconsciously go with the latter. They keep remorse in their minds and blame themselves for not taking the job, moving to town, or marrying the love of their life. Unfortunately, this path only leads to sadness and perhaps even more regret.
It doesn't have to be that way.
While writing this to you, I was trying to remember my regrets in my life. Something I wish I could come back and do differently. This way I can share my story. This way I can show empathy and a way to do better. But... I have nothing to share. It's not because I played the game perfectly. And it's not because I made the right decisions over and over again.
It's because I don't live my life looking for regret.
If I make a mistake, I try to learn from it. I don't say, "Oops. I think I'll always regret that moment." Instead, I say, “This is bad. How can I make sure this never happens again?” I sit with the error. I'm thinking about it. And the moment I step off the couch, I have a plan to act differently, to function better.
If I make the mistake again, so much the better, it's another chance for me to learn. If I don't make the mistake again, so much the better, you have turned a negative experience into a stimulating experience.
final thoughts
Regret is the last thing you need to worry about. Why? Because regret is a good thing. We often make mistakes without even realizing it. We cut our nails a little, we cook dinner a little too much or we forget to change the linen. These little mistakes disappear into oblivion.
But regret? Very sorry. She makes herself known. Not as long as you won't have to cry forever. Regret is strong because it wants you to see it. He wants you to get to know him. And he wants you to learn from him.
When you learn of your regret, regret no more. These are lessons learned. These are hard-won battles. By learning from your regret, you take responsibility for your mistakes. You take responsibility for your life. And you become a better person because of it. If you want to be afraid of something, make the same mistake twice. But know that this is only possible if you ignore reality if you ignore the lesson right in front of you.
Embrace the regret. see what it is. Know that it is inevitable and realize that it is nothing more than a fatal mistake. It's just a great opportunity for you to do things differently next time.
I will be there next time. Life is funny like that.
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