Life is filled with frustrations and disappointments, and the older you get, the more obvious they become. Now I realize that I had irrational beliefs about what life was supposed to be like and how different aspects of my life should unfold. It was hard to realize that some of my perceptions of life were wrong.
It actually led to depression. But after a while, I was able to make it a source of growth. Your ability to handle difficult situations is the ultimate test. Realizing these facts about life has allowed me to live a more authentic and peaceful life.
Your childhood influences you in adulthood
No family is perfect and some parents are more successful than others in raising their children. Often it is not their fault. They only do what they think is best and can raise their children the same way their parents raise them.
But what happens or doesn't happen in your childhood can have huge effects on your adult life.
Your parents may have emotionally ignored you. Dr. Jones Webb, an expert on the subject, coined the term childhood emotional neglect to explain what many of us weren't able to do as children.
According to Dr. Webb, emotional neglect is not an act but a failure to act. Simply put, emotional neglect occurs when your parents lack the emotional awareness or emotional skills to notice your pain and difficulties.
As a result, you grow up with a misunderstanding of one of the most vital things we have as human beings: our emotions.
This can manifest in several ways. You may feel that there is something wrong with your nature. You may not be able to recognize what you are feeling. Certain situations can affect certain strong feelings, and you don't know why.
You Can't Solve Your Problems By "Just Be Yourself Advice"
One of the most general tips for any problem I hear is to "just be yourself".
I was a shy and quiet person. I was afraid to talk to strangers and didn't want to ask for help. I thought I was doomed only because I thought I had a fatal flaw that made me inferior to everyone else.
"Just be yourself" doesn't give you any clues on how to improve. It can actually make the situation worse.
If you are like me or you are like me, you know how painful it is to "just be yourself".
Psychologist Pamela B. Barischi has a different take on the matter. She doesn't think being yourself means acting like everything around you doesn't matter to you. Instead, you think you should be looking for a different kind of authenticity.
The person who allows you to be the "you" you imagine. It doesn't mean you're trying to be someone else.
It means that you consciously choose who you want to be and do your best to be true to that "me".
Staying in your comfort zone will destroy you
Another general piece of advice is that you should get out of your comfort zone as soon as possible. But why would anyone want to step out of their comfort zone?
After all, it's comfortable, and it makes us feel good. We don't like what's on the other side. High levels of uncertainty make us anxious. And we all want to step away from the unknown.
But deep down you know that pushing yourself towards the things that make you uncomfortable is necessary if you want to grow as a person. However, it takes total effort to convince you to get out of your bubble.
Your comfort zone is killing you because you don't know it yet. You believe that your life is perfect and that there is no need to experience what is outside of you. you are comfortable. You are happy, but this situation will not get you far in the long run.
You will struggle to maintain your consistency
There's a reason the vast majority of people don't achieve their goals or at least taste a little bit of success.
Although it varies from person to person, most are inconsistent. They are unwilling to put in effort and time and expect results.
Habit expert James Clear says that often it can feel like you're not progressing, but the rewards are piling up in the background. Epic results aren't the result of something you do once or twice, they're the result of small but consistent actions.
Your level of motivation one day is limited and you should not rely on it too much.
That's why most people who buy a gym membership end up going for a week and then quitting, or why most people who set a goal of reading 52 books a year don't read more than half at the end.
But there is good news. According to Michael Port, motivation is not a requirement for action. It happens after you start, even if you feel uninspired at first. Instead of relying on your level of motivation, you should create a simple system that ensures you show up every time, no matter what.
Enjoying comfort is a vital skill
Loneliness and loneliness are two different things. You can be isolated and feel perfectly fine, or you can have a wonderful family, close friends, and a great job, but still feel lonely.
Everyone feels lonely differently. But in general, feeling lonely means you lack meaningful connections in your life, and everything you do feels pointless.
Let's face it, loneliness is bad and it's one of the worst feelings you can have. Unfortunately, it has become a common problem for people of all ages.
According to a report by health insurance company Cigna released last year, more than three in five Americans feel lonely because they don't have a partner, and feel misunderstood and excluded.
This is an alarming situation, and compared to the 2018 results, there was a 13% increase in loneliness.
There's nothing to be ashamed of if you're feeling lonely, and there's a silver lining. Most single people can find the solution on their own.
When you are in such a negative state of mind, it can be an opportunity to trigger massive growth in your life. You have to discover and follow the right steps, and of course, you have to stop dwelling on your misery.
Bouncing back from a state of rejection isn't easy
It wasn't until the last year that I started putting myself in situations where rejection would be possible. I knew I was going to face rejection one way or another, but that didn't help much.
I have read countless stories of people saying that before you taste success you will be rejected.
Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because his editor thought he had no good ideas. He later became the most outstanding animator of our time and received nominations for 59 Oscars.
J.K. Rowling offered the Harry Potter manuscript to 12 major publishers, and they all turned it down. She is now the author of the Harry Potter series, the best-selling novel series of all time.
I thought I was ready to refuse but found myself about to give in at the first taste.
For someone who isn't used to rejection and tends to over-analyze things, this really shocked me. When rejection happens multiple times in a short period of time, your goals start to seem unattainable.
Rejection in any form is bad, but it helps to remember that those negative feelings will go away. It depends on you how long you allow them to influence you.
Rejection will hit you, especially if you put your work out into the world. You can also learn to deal with it.
Your destiny is made up of things more important than you
When we are children, our parents teach us that anything is possible and that we can become anything we want to be.
Even though people grow up, there's still a mindset that you can achieve anything you want, and if you don't, you think you must be a failure.
Many factors come into play when trying to achieve your goals, and unfortunately, some of them are beyond your control.
I live in a third-world country. People living in poverty are a familiar sight. A few streets from my home, some families live in precarious conditions.
I lived in the United States for ten months on an exchange program when I was in high school, and that's when I realized the huge difference between Bolivia and America.
According to the Borgen Project, Bolivia is one of the poorest countries in South America for four main reasons: political instability, inadequate education, lack of clean water and sanitation, and low productivity in rural areas.
Although things have improved in recent years, it is still difficult to seize and obtain opportunities in such an unstable and unequal society.
I realized that I would never have as many opportunities as the average person in a first-world country.
Love is not a fairy tale
Falling in love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience. However, sometimes it can also be one of the most intense experiences a person can have.
All relationships have ups and downs. It can be especially stressful to be in a relationship where the partner is insecure, jealous, possessive, cold or a combination of these.
Your emotional skills really come into play when you're having trouble in a relationship. Unfortunately, most people don't have great emotional skills, but that's not our fault.
The fact that mental health is still treated as a taboo really bothers me. Emotional intelligence should be taught to people of all ages.
Psychologist Jay Winch says this is one of the reasons people have such a hard time healing from a breakup. He says we don't treat breakup wounds with the same compassion as other physical or emotional wounds. As a result, we try to ignore it and feel guilty for feeling so sad.
According to many studies, dissociation is very similar to drug withdrawal. When your heart is broken, the body's reaction is much like withdrawing from a chemical that we have become addicted to.
When that person you love is not by your side, your mental health deteriorates dramatically, and this is a problem that should be taken seriously, especially by you.
Once your heart is broken, remember that it's okay to feel angry, devastated, happy, and angry in no particular order. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and don't ignore it like it doesn't matter.
final thoughts
Life is full of unexpected twists. Some are good and some are bad. But you can enjoy all of them. We humans have incredible ways to develop emotional strength from even the most negative experiences.
Once you accept and embrace these facts, your life will be easier. They should not be an obstacle. Admitting doesn't mean you have to like them, but it will definitely help you accept whatever life throws at you.
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